To buy or not to buy?

Should I buy a new tele or not?
Comments welcomed!

Let me lay out the pros and cons. If I get more comments telling me to buy one than not, then I will! That’s how much I trust our amazing customers!

I’m in desperate need of a new TV. There can be no doubt about that. My TV is not UHD, not 4K, not HDR and it’s not LED. It doesn’t even dominate my entire room that’s how subtle it is. But subtlety is not what we’re looking for in a TV. That’s like saying my manhood is ‘subtle’. Now you don’t say that with pride do you, fellas?

So it’s time for an upgrade. But wait a minute - what’s that I hear? The landscape has changed somewhat in the last month, and so I need to review my thinking on this...

Listen in and guide me to the answer!

So I live with my wife and my 6-month-old baby girl. We try not to put Mathilda in front of the box too much so her preferences can be discounted. She didn’t seem too fussy about the refresh rate, true black or any other made up televisual features last time I checked.

My wife likes to watch KUWTK or Keeping up with the Kardashians for anyone else that has their own friends and may not recognise the acronym. She also watches friends episodes and laughs with a soulless monotony that implies she may have seen it before somewhere. Luckily she gets reminded when to half-heartedly chortle at 12-second intervals by the TV itself.

What we can read into this is that she also doesn’t have any firm stipulations on the spec of the, as yet unpurchased television.

Now I like to keep pretty busy during this unusual time for us all - but let’s be honest we will all end up watching more on the box than under ‘normal’ circumstances. Whether it’s glued to the latest update from the epidemiologists or something less terrifying like Contagion as was on ITV the other day we are all gluttons for punishment one way or the other!

So accepting my viewing hours are likely to rise surely it’s the perfect time to treat my eyes and get an all-singing all-dancing gogglebox right? It’s basic maths - if you watch more, the £’s / min cost of your tele goes down, and in any man’s tiny mind that means you are actually SAVING money? Right?

So that’s it. Decision made. I’ve got to get one! But wait... there’s a couple of chunky spanners in the works here. Flies in my ointment if you will.

Firstly - I only watch sport. What’s the problem with that I hear you ask? These new TVs are crazy good when it comes to watching sport! THERE IS NO SPORT! Are you living under a rock?

There is no sport.

I just watched an 8-minute video on YouTube of Marbula 1 - the marble equivalent to Formula 1. Admittedly it was more competitive than watching Lewis on a Sunday jaunt around Maggots, but still, it lacked a little ‘Je ne sais quoi’ (which is french for ‘volume’ I believe).

I heard the BBC we’re thinking of replaying the 2012 Olympics in the most forlorn attempt at cheering up a nation since Sepp Blatter let Greece won the Euro’s.

So no sport. Why the hell would I buy a TV during a time when there is no sport?! Well, I’ll tell you why. No sport means I was able to pause my sky sports subscription but retain the sports channels whilst there is no sport! Ha - finally got one over on you Murdoch! £23 something quid a month in my back pocket. If this lockdown carries on for another 4-5 years this alone will have paid for my new TV! Rupert himself might as well come and hang it on my wall.

Do you get the sense I am trying to sway the vote at all here? I refute that - I’m just giving you the facts so you can make an informed suggestion to me to buy myself a TV.

The other slight problem is - we are all having to be a little more conservative when it comes to spending as let’s face it, this is an uncertain time for all. Even the very people who I want to watch playing football are being asked to consider possibly reducing their already meagre wages in the most communist move since Stalin played in goal for Spartak Moscow.

So is it irresponsible of me to spend some dosh on this luxury item? Well perhaps - but I want to do my bit for the nation during this crisis, and so I think I should lead by example. Join me follow bidders and lovers of new trinkets and prop up the UK’s economy by joining me in an almighty spending spree!

After this dispassionate plea, I will collate the results of your vote much like Richard O’Brien used to do after watching grown adults chase floating bits of paper around a windy glass dome in the Crystal Maze and essentially make up the result to fit my needs!

Keep your square eyes out (like me) at for TV’s and other home entertainment auctions coming soon to William George - helping you get through lockdown as painlessly as possible!